This is my personal testimony.
Easter of 2012 I felt true love for the first time. The love came from the heavens. It wrapped me up and started filling up the voids in my heart. “Love came down to set me free.”
Before that Easter of 2012, I was living a wild child life. Now, I was not always wild. I just escaped from my Christian roots and wanted to have “fun.” This “fun” was selfish, lustful, cruel, ignorant, childish, hurtful, lazy, disrespectful, addicted and possessive. The “fun” started after my separation from my ex husband in 2010.
I was claiming to be a Christian, but I did not act like one or live my life like it says in the Bible. I was what they call a Fallen Christain. I was raised in church my whole life. I knew some what of the Bible, but more dearly I knew what God approved and didn’t approve. I honestly turned my back on God and said, “I want to do it my way.”
I did not realize how badly I had fallen. I thought this was life, and it was amazing. I was a person who got behind the wheel several times drunk. I started to sleep around with guys. I got chance to try drugs. I would steal small petty things from stores. I would lead men on. I was a back stabber to my friends. I abandoned my long distance family. I hung out with the wrong crowd of people. I even refused to pray and go to church. I thought all of this was true living.
One evening, I started to have a really bad aniexty attack. This aniexty attack was so strong. I hid inside my closet in my bedroom crying. I felt lost. I felt so alone. I wanted to just tare my hair out, and I wanted this life of mine to end.
Then I heard a whisper, I could not make out on what it said; but all I know, I looked up and saw on one of my shelves my Bible. I ran to my phone. I Googled “bible verses on aniexty.”
As these bible verses popped up, I started to write them on my mirrors in my room. I have four mirrors in my room. I wrote four bible verses. Proverbs 3:5-6, Matthew 6:34, 1 Peter 5:7, and Phillipines 4:6-7. I felt the verse would reflect on me to help me with this horrific aniexty attack. This happens in December of 2011, and I have not prayed for over a year.
On that day, I began to pray. I prayed what my heart desired. I prayed for a man to come into my life where he can help me become closer to God, again. Yep, I prayed for a man. Some of you may think, “now that’s silly.” It might have been, but it’s what I wanted.
So, God gave me a boyfriend. This boyfriend (now an ex) in the beginning seemed to be the best thing in my life, because he said he was a Christain. He told his whole Christain background and it was impressive. I figured if I stay around him long enough he will help me. As we got to know each other more and more, my focus of getting closer to God wore off. This boy was more of a bad boy. Loved the crazy stuff we were doing.
When I got to meet his parents, they got my attention. This couple was so sweet and had this light about them. I got to spend more time with them, and I found out how deeply in love they are with Jesus. My ex boyfriend’s mom would tell me stories of witnessing a blind man getting sight for the first time. His dad told me how he prays over people. They would go on and on. I was very much messmerized by their stories, their church life and faith in Jesus.
After one day of fighting with the ex, I glanced over at a piece of paper. The paper was his parents church’s sunday service program. I told my ex, “I want to go to church with you parents for Easter.”
On Easter, it was a beautiful day. The weather was in the high 70s where only the sun was in the sky. The grass and all plants were bright green. The flowers was blooming. The day felt happy which made me feel happy.
I got to dresss up in a pretty pink and white stripped dress. I did my hair, but most importantly I dusted off my Bible. I drove over to the ex’s house and met up with his parents.
I climbed into their car, and we drove off to church. When we arrived, they were both dancing in the parking lot (from hearing the music from the outside). Lol!!! I felt a warmth and joy coming from that building. I am very shy (at first), but here I didn’t feel like I was shy. I was smiling at people and shook hands with strangers.
Then I entered the church, the music was louder and extremely up beat. The crowd inside the worship hall was clapping and putting their hands in the air. I have been to a praise church before, but I never understood it. I just examined the people around me.
I noticed his parents started placing their hands in the air. His mom was waving her hands back and forth. She even started jumping. I saw others dancing around me. I started to clap because the music was really good.
Then the music started to slow down. The moment it did I felt it was getting really warm, but with a calming in the atmosphere . I felt this moment started becoming sacred. I closed my eyes. I didn’t know the songs, but I started to pray. As I prayed, I started to see a light. I ignored it and opened my eyes back up.
When the music was over, the pastor started to preach. He preached about grudges. Grudges that we hold against ourselves and others. He was talking about Easter is a time to renew yourself. That Easter is about beauty, the rare beauty of life. We need to let go all grudges. We need to forgive. Let go of the past and let it be renewed. Let it be renewed with Christ.
The music started back up. I closed my eyes. I started to cry. I realized how hurt I am from all of my past people and events in my life. The biggest hurt was me hurting myself. I needed to let go. I started to lift my hands to the sky. I started to pray out loud to God to forgive me and asked for his help. My eyes were still closed. The light I saw before came back. The light became very clear when I saw it was his face. Jesus’ face was infront of me.
Jesus then hugged me. Embraced my heart. Jesus let his love come down over me. I felt his presence. My body and soul shook. I then went to my knees and surrendered my life to him. At this moment, I went to the alter and had people pray over me. I wanted to know more about Jesus especially his love.
That day God shared his wisdom with me. He opened my mind, heart and eyes. He explained more how Jesus came to this earth to die for our sins. Jesus wanted to break my chains full of sin, depression, guilt, aniexty, lust, etc. And he did just that. He gave me a new start on his day of resurrection.
Easter is the day to celebrate the day of our sovereign Lord’s resurrection. He died for us, but he came back to us. The Holy Spirit of Jesus remains here on earth to guide us.
After that Easter, I still struggled. It was not easy to just let go right away of all my “fun.” But, I never went backwards. I only continued to go forwarded. Yes, Easter of 2012 was the day I surrendered my life, but it was not till September 16, 2012 I decided to fully live for him. That is the day I mark myself as a Born Again Christain.
I now live my life for God. His love Came down to set me free. I am all his. I am his sheep. I let him carry me. I trust only him and not my own thinking. I walk with him and talk to him. He is my husband and best friend. He died and saved me. His name is Jesus!
If you struggle in you life to live, I now how you feel. I have been there. I know sex is great. I understand being party girl/guy is fun. I know you say that drinking and driving isnt too bad. I can relate to the you thinking the world revolves around me. Oh, I also said I only live once. It’s fun for awhile, but it gets exhausting.
You will crash. You will burn. You will do worse as time goes on. Although, it’s never too late. I am a changed life because I turned to Jesus. Stop running from him and run to him.
I hope this has touched someone’s life that has read this blog post. I hope you want to change your life around. If you do, just pray. Pray this, “God, I am sorry. Please, forgive me for the life I have been living. I want to know you more and learn why you died for me. I accept Jesus as my savior and God’s only son. I trust your Holy Spirit to guide me. Pour your love on me. Amen!”
Now get grounded in a local church that fits your peronality. It’s always best to grow with people like you. They will help you get regrounded. It works because I have and still am there. I pray for great things for all of you in Jesus’ sweet name!!!