Silence. That awkward silence. The silence when a person stares at you while they wrinkle their forehead. The look of what or questioning as they tilt their head to understand you. But, I just want to say, “it’s not your job to understand me.” I am different.
For months, I feel like an outsider. I do not like to do a lot of things that others might find entertaining. I find comfort and security within my walls of friends and family. I want to help those who are less fortunate then myself. I love to speak about Jesus to help those who dont know him. I am content with my surroundings because I know they could be worse. I always hear from others how I can better myself.
Yes, people’s advice does sound good. It may even sound wonderful. Some advice is not my cup of tea where it does not follow my beliefs as a Christian. That advice I frown upon. It hurts my heart when someone will tell me, “if I was in your shoes, I would have cursed that person out.”
“What God knows about me is more important than what others think of me.”
I am not a perfect angel. I am not a perfect person. I just try to live my life the way God wants me to live my life. My past life while claiming to be a Christain, I didn’t follow Christ. I know what it’s like to live for myself, me, and I. As I became a born again Christian, I woke up, and I saw I need to live my life for Christ. This is where a lot of people do not get me, or they love to judge my every move.
I know a lot of people will never understand me. Yet, I do have a few that can totally relate with being different than the world. The only thing in my heart that matters the most is Jesus knows me.
Jesus is my best friend. Yep!!! My best friend. He is the one I love more than anyone that’s planted in front of me. I am his. I am his child. My life is his. My heart belongs to him. I am a daughter of a King. I am a princess. My peace lies in his grace. His strength gives me courage. I can go on, but at the same time I am not perfect.
I do allow my emotions to go crazy. I do say the wrong words at times. I do not always rely on the Word of God for all the answers. I complain about what’s not fair. Again, I could go on, but you get the point.
Yesterday in church, I was worshipping. I felt a little disconnected. I felt lonely. I felt lonely because I felt being different. Last week I experienced a lot of interactions. I handled a lot of them the way I know God would smile upon me and others I screwed up. The thing that matters the most is God Knows Me.
He knows me!!!
God knows me better than anyone else does. He knew I was feeling disconnected without me discussing it with him. During church worship, I felt him touch my face. Oh, the feeling was so warm. I kept saying, “Thank you, Jesus.” I heard his whisper.
I won’t share what he said because it’s a private moment between him and I, but let’s say he knew exactly what I needed to hear. When the Holy Spirit came, it was the blanket of comfort I needed.
God knows every detail of my life. He knows my past and he knows my future. He knows my heart. He understands my feelings. When Jesus was here on earth, he experienced those feelings to relate to us. God does not miss a thing in my life. He knows that I am precious to him. He knows you are precious to him. He makes time for us, and God pays attention to all of our life events going around us.
I believe God prepares you everyday for he knows what is in your future. He picks you up to bring you over that big obstacles coming your way. It’s your job to let him hold you through the obstacles the whole way. You must trust in him. He knows how much you can handle, and he knows how little you can handle.
Trust. How can I trust in someone who is not directly in front of me? Oh, how I get asked this question all the time. People seem to think I am a little crazy. I don’t understand because I will just say four simple words.
IT’S IN GOD’S HANDS!
Saying those four words makes me different. Makes me the outsider. I become a “preacher.” Lol!!! My favorite saying, “you are so religious.” Wow!!! Where I was only pronouncing my trust in Jesus. (Shaking my head)
Ok, I guess I am different. It’s hard to accept that word. Although, it is the truth. I am different. Life as a Christain is different. I do not participate in a lot of events, social, political or entertainment of this world. As time goes on, the growth of the worldly objects keep getting bigger and bigger. I will get judged even more and more.
I accept it. It does not matter what the world thinks of me. God knows me. He will help me. I find comfort in a song by Bethel, sung by Stephanie Frizzel Gretzinger, “You know me.”
The song relates to Psalm 139. In this Psalm, it tells us how God knows everything about us. It tells us how we can not hide from God. The Psalm describes how we were made. Lastly, it ends with prayers that David asks God for help. Psalm 139 helps me to relate with other Christains. It opens my eyes to see I am not the only one that trusts in God, and I accept how God knows me better than anyone.
God’s relationship of knowing me helps me embrace on being different to the world. He places friends and family in my life to lean on when I feel this disconnect from the world. The Holy Spirit surrounds me to give me daily strength to walk into uncomfortable situations of the world.